Lately I've been thinking a lot about how unprepared I was for the difficult task of becoming a mother, and I've decided that some of it is worth sharing. I wish that someone had shared these things with me before I become pregnant! Here's a little list:
1. Not taking steps to avoid pregnancy is the same as planning to become pregnant.
--->Therefore, if you're planning to become pregnant, at least acknowledge the fact and do some real planning! Here are some things I wish I'd done/known:
2. Check into your work and state's medical leave/maternity leave policies. Unfortunately for me, Minnesota's law is that you only get leave if you've been with the company for at least 12 months. I'm due to have the baby 11 months after I started work at Concordia. Tough luck.
3. Check your insurance policy, to see what they cover and IF they will cover a pregnancy (especially if you become pregnant before your insurance coverage starts).
4. Consider whether or not you want to stay at home. SIX WEEKS IS NOT VERY LONG! Maternity leave in the US is ridiculous. If you think you would rather stay at home, assess your financial situation to see if you can afford it. For us, Travis has decided to work nights so he can be with the baby during the day and I'll be with the baby at night. We'll let you know how that goes!
5. Check into daycare. I've been on our preferred daycare's list since I was 5 weeks pregnant, and the odds of "getting in" are not looking good.
6. Consider how flexible and "family friendly" your employment is.
7. Consider how happy you are with your employment and level of education, because having a baby will make improving either one incredibly difficult.
8. Consider the things you hoped to do while still young, like travel...learn a new language...rough it in the woods for a month...all of these dreams will be put on pause or possibly derailed after baby!
9. Consider your relationship with the dad. If you have a playful and fun relationship with your partner then you might consider the fact that having a baby will change that relationship! I would have liked a little more time to be youthful and have fun with Travis. (If you don't have a fun and playful relationship with your partner you might question your decision to have a baby together!)
10. Consider that, beginning with the 2nd/3rd trimester, you will not be able to sleep well. According to my fellow mommy, Ruth, this continues up to the baby's 1st birthday...we'll see how long the interrupted sleep goes! This may seem petty, but I think it's good to know beforehand how much you enjoy sleep and how having less sleep affects you!
I love the number 10, so I'm going to stop.
Instead of listing 10 reasons why I'm happy to be pregnant, I thought I would share a revelation:
Last night I had a nightmare that I lost the baby, and was told that I could never get pregnant again. I woke up in a complete panic, and wasn't sure if I'd had a dream or if I had really lost the baby. My sense of loss was so powerful, I can't describe how completely depressed and distraught I felt before I realized it was all a dream. Here's what I realized after that dream: for all the ways my pregnancy stresses me out and for all of the negative things that I sometimes focus on, I am glad to be having this baby. I realized that I utterly, completely love our baby. There are many things that I would have done differently if I'd known better, but I wouldn't give up having this baby for anything. So, I'm just going to list one "pro" (which more than trumps the 10 "cons"):
1. I love our baby!
1. Not taking steps to avoid pregnancy is the same as planning to become pregnant.
--->Therefore, if you're planning to become pregnant, at least acknowledge the fact and do some real planning! Here are some things I wish I'd done/known:
2. Check into your work and state's medical leave/maternity leave policies. Unfortunately for me, Minnesota's law is that you only get leave if you've been with the company for at least 12 months. I'm due to have the baby 11 months after I started work at Concordia. Tough luck.
3. Check your insurance policy, to see what they cover and IF they will cover a pregnancy (especially if you become pregnant before your insurance coverage starts).
4. Consider whether or not you want to stay at home. SIX WEEKS IS NOT VERY LONG! Maternity leave in the US is ridiculous. If you think you would rather stay at home, assess your financial situation to see if you can afford it. For us, Travis has decided to work nights so he can be with the baby during the day and I'll be with the baby at night. We'll let you know how that goes!
5. Check into daycare. I've been on our preferred daycare's list since I was 5 weeks pregnant, and the odds of "getting in" are not looking good.
6. Consider how flexible and "family friendly" your employment is.
7. Consider how happy you are with your employment and level of education, because having a baby will make improving either one incredibly difficult.
8. Consider the things you hoped to do while still young, like travel...learn a new language...rough it in the woods for a month...all of these dreams will be put on pause or possibly derailed after baby!
9. Consider your relationship with the dad. If you have a playful and fun relationship with your partner then you might consider the fact that having a baby will change that relationship! I would have liked a little more time to be youthful and have fun with Travis. (If you don't have a fun and playful relationship with your partner you might question your decision to have a baby together!)
10. Consider that, beginning with the 2nd/3rd trimester, you will not be able to sleep well. According to my fellow mommy, Ruth, this continues up to the baby's 1st birthday...we'll see how long the interrupted sleep goes! This may seem petty, but I think it's good to know beforehand how much you enjoy sleep and how having less sleep affects you!
I love the number 10, so I'm going to stop.
Instead of listing 10 reasons why I'm happy to be pregnant, I thought I would share a revelation:
Last night I had a nightmare that I lost the baby, and was told that I could never get pregnant again. I woke up in a complete panic, and wasn't sure if I'd had a dream or if I had really lost the baby. My sense of loss was so powerful, I can't describe how completely depressed and distraught I felt before I realized it was all a dream. Here's what I realized after that dream: for all the ways my pregnancy stresses me out and for all of the negative things that I sometimes focus on, I am glad to be having this baby. I realized that I utterly, completely love our baby. There are many things that I would have done differently if I'd known better, but I wouldn't give up having this baby for anything. So, I'm just going to list one "pro" (which more than trumps the 10 "cons"):
1. I love our baby!
4 comments:
First of all, slight misunderstanding. I would not say that lack of sleep continues until the first birthday, because I am pretty certain Joseph isn't suddenly going to start sleeping through the night next month. Of course some babies seem to sleep all the time and here is hope that you get one of those! Lack of sleep is part of being a parent seems to me. Not just because of screaming babies, but also trying to pack more into a day than is possible, trying to get some time to yourself, worrying, and probably some day waiting up for crazy teens. Yikes.
The practical stuff about having babies is sooo difficult, but the love is amazing as you are finding out. It is all worth it and we will eventually get all the other stuff figured out as well. Just like the house felt so out of reach and frustrating to you and now you have an AMAZING home.
LOVE YA!
Jennifer, you are so intimate in your writing about your thoughts that you sound like St Augustine!
That's good.
Keep pondering, you'll be 'OK.'
(We should take bets on when R gets to sleep again.)
RB
What a compliment!
The last few nights J has actually been sleeping much better. He only woke once last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully I'm not jinxing myself.
Wow, I know where Ruth gets her competetive streak from! I'm willing to bet that Ruth will never sleep as soundly as she did before having Joseph, but that she will start to enjoy occasional full nights of sleep this June. If Joseph is anything like my brothers and myself she won't get frequent full nights of sleep until he's in Kindergarten!
Thanks for the St Augustine compliment! (I think). No major religious conversions yet, but I'll keep you posted. :) If I didn't use writing to explore my thoughts and experiences I don't know if I would enjoy writing at all!
Hey Ruth, how's Joseph's walking going? I'll place a bet on that too: Definitely by his 1st birthday! (If he hasn't already).
Post a Comment