Letting Go of Breastfeeding

Sophia and I have been going through one of the most significant transitions since her birth, which is weaning. I know that there are those out there who think Sophia's been nursing for too long, and you may be surprised to learn that there are people in my life who believe Sophia should be allowed to continue nursing! I am posting today to share this information with you:
Ending nursing is a private and tremendous decision that can only be made by the mother and child.
You may also find this interesting: The decision to wean is a question of timing and intuition and, most of all, trust. I don't know that the following is true of everyone, but it's so true for us that I think it might be true of all moms and babies: There is a right time to wean. Not that there is a wrong time, or a bad time, but there is definitely a "right time." I mean right in the sense of knowing something for sure, like falling in love. I dated and loved more than one person, but only one person was totally right for me, and I needed to marry him, and it was right. I mean right in that sense. Perfect timing.
For the last several months, Sophia had reduced her nursing dramatically. Instead of wanting to nurse after falling down, she transitioned to wanting kisses and hugs. Instead of nursing herself to sleep, she was nursing on one side and then laying in her crib and putting herself to sleep. This means that she has been nursing only on one side and just for a minute or two.
During our trip to VT there was a lot going on, and Sophia was taking all of her naps without nursing, usually in the car between activities. On August 20th I got a little extra-tipsy after Alice's wedding rehearsal dinner, and Travis ended up putting Sophia to bed. He came to the camp fire to report to me that Sophia went to bed just fine for him, and didn't even ask for me. I have to admit I cried a little! August 20th is the first time in Sophia's life that she was put to bed by someone other than me. I know this sounds ridiculous to some people, but you have to understand that I made this my priority. There has been no reason why I couldn't be the one to put my child to bed every night. Someone has to do it, and there has never been a strong enough reason for it to not be me. Also, August 20th was a perfect time for this to happen. For a week Sophia had been coddled and "parented" by many people other than myself, and had enjoyed extra time with her daddy. August 20th was a long day, and she was very tired. Events and maturity and all sorts of factors came together and made August 20th The Day.
Sophia did not nurse again until the night of August 23rd; the first night we returned to MN. On that night she was very tired, and emotions were running high from being back home. When Sophia asked to nurse after her bath I tried to gently tell her no. I tried laying her in the crib. I tried giving her milk. I tried rocking and cuddling her. By the time I gave in, Sophia was sobbing and exhausted and hyperventilating. I felt so alone, because it was a situation I had to handle with my intuition alone. Travis has no way of knowing whether or not Sophia and I needed to share nursing. Sophia kept repeating, "Nurse again?" "More nursing?" She was asking me for something I had, and I finally decided that it was not in her best interest to deny her what she wanted. What could she understand beyond the fact that I was not giving her something she was desperate for, that she's had all her life? So we nursed. For no more than 30 seconds, and then she was asleep in her crib.
And we have not nursed since.
We have changed our routine. Now instead of book, nurse, sleep we do book, cuddle, sleep (and usually a cup of milk, which I will have to wean her off of later!). Sophia talks about nursing a lot, which scared me at first because I figured she'd be better off just forgetting about it. But, now I realize this isn't right for her. After her bath she will ask for a book (and tell me which one to read). After her book she'll say "big bed? Cuddle on the big bed?" or some variation, and we'll snuggle together in the master bedroom for about 10 minutes. At some point she asks for milk. She'll stay snuggled in the bed while I get her a cup of milk. Then she'll either ask for the crib, or I'll ask her if she's ready for the crib and she'll hold up her arms.
Trust is a tremendous factor in our weaning process. Sometimes Sophia will ask to nurse, but then say "nursing is for babies." We talk about how nursing makes babies become big, strong toddlers, and that toddlers get different things, like cups of milk, water, and juice; and Sophia will agree that she's a toddler. She'll say that "toddlers have cups of milk. Or water." We talk about how this is special, and only big toddlers can have cups, because babies just need nursing. I have been very surprised, pleased, and even proud to find that she really seems to grasp this concept. Another surprising thing? How sad this makes me feel. I feel sad for her that growing up has to involve losing something special and enjoyable. I worried that this will make her want to regress and stay a baby. But, she seems ok with it so far. So, I suppose I should feel glad that Travis and I have laid a foundation that enables Sophia to handle growing up and weathering difficult transitions.
Weaning has not involved being sneaky or hoping she'll forget or me making a decision on my own. It feels more like an agreement. I can feel the question coming from my heart, and Sophia answering with trust and readiness.
And lots of cuddling helps. :)