Letting Go of Breastfeeding

Sophia and I have been going through one of the most significant transitions since her birth, which is weaning. I know that there are those out there who think Sophia's been nursing for too long, and you may be surprised to learn that there are people in my life who believe Sophia should be allowed to continue nursing! I am posting today to share this information with you:
Ending nursing is a private and tremendous decision that can only be made by the mother and child.
You may also find this interesting: The decision to wean is a question of timing and intuition and, most of all, trust. I don't know that the following is true of everyone, but it's so true for us that I think it might be true of all moms and babies: There is a right time to wean. Not that there is a wrong time, or a bad time, but there is definitely a "right time." I mean right in the sense of knowing something for sure, like falling in love. I dated and loved more than one person, but only one person was totally right for me, and I needed to marry him, and it was right. I mean right in that sense. Perfect timing.
For the last several months, Sophia had reduced her nursing dramatically. Instead of wanting to nurse after falling down, she transitioned to wanting kisses and hugs. Instead of nursing herself to sleep, she was nursing on one side and then laying in her crib and putting herself to sleep. This means that she has been nursing only on one side and just for a minute or two.
During our trip to VT there was a lot going on, and Sophia was taking all of her naps without nursing, usually in the car between activities. On August 20th I got a little extra-tipsy after Alice's wedding rehearsal dinner, and Travis ended up putting Sophia to bed. He came to the camp fire to report to me that Sophia went to bed just fine for him, and didn't even ask for me. I have to admit I cried a little! August 20th is the first time in Sophia's life that she was put to bed by someone other than me. I know this sounds ridiculous to some people, but you have to understand that I made this my priority. There has been no reason why I couldn't be the one to put my child to bed every night. Someone has to do it, and there has never been a strong enough reason for it to not be me. Also, August 20th was a perfect time for this to happen. For a week Sophia had been coddled and "parented" by many people other than myself, and had enjoyed extra time with her daddy. August 20th was a long day, and she was very tired. Events and maturity and all sorts of factors came together and made August 20th The Day.
Sophia did not nurse again until the night of August 23rd; the first night we returned to MN. On that night she was very tired, and emotions were running high from being back home. When Sophia asked to nurse after her bath I tried to gently tell her no. I tried laying her in the crib. I tried giving her milk. I tried rocking and cuddling her. By the time I gave in, Sophia was sobbing and exhausted and hyperventilating. I felt so alone, because it was a situation I had to handle with my intuition alone. Travis has no way of knowing whether or not Sophia and I needed to share nursing. Sophia kept repeating, "Nurse again?" "More nursing?" She was asking me for something I had, and I finally decided that it was not in her best interest to deny her what she wanted. What could she understand beyond the fact that I was not giving her something she was desperate for, that she's had all her life? So we nursed. For no more than 30 seconds, and then she was asleep in her crib.
And we have not nursed since.
We have changed our routine. Now instead of book, nurse, sleep we do book, cuddle, sleep (and usually a cup of milk, which I will have to wean her off of later!). Sophia talks about nursing a lot, which scared me at first because I figured she'd be better off just forgetting about it. But, now I realize this isn't right for her. After her bath she will ask for a book (and tell me which one to read). After her book she'll say "big bed? Cuddle on the big bed?" or some variation, and we'll snuggle together in the master bedroom for about 10 minutes. At some point she asks for milk. She'll stay snuggled in the bed while I get her a cup of milk. Then she'll either ask for the crib, or I'll ask her if she's ready for the crib and she'll hold up her arms.
Trust is a tremendous factor in our weaning process. Sometimes Sophia will ask to nurse, but then say "nursing is for babies." We talk about how nursing makes babies become big, strong toddlers, and that toddlers get different things, like cups of milk, water, and juice; and Sophia will agree that she's a toddler. She'll say that "toddlers have cups of milk. Or water." We talk about how this is special, and only big toddlers can have cups, because babies just need nursing. I have been very surprised, pleased, and even proud to find that she really seems to grasp this concept. Another surprising thing? How sad this makes me feel. I feel sad for her that growing up has to involve losing something special and enjoyable. I worried that this will make her want to regress and stay a baby. But, she seems ok with it so far. So, I suppose I should feel glad that Travis and I have laid a foundation that enables Sophia to handle growing up and weathering difficult transitions.
Weaning has not involved being sneaky or hoping she'll forget or me making a decision on my own. It feels more like an agreement. I can feel the question coming from my heart, and Sophia answering with trust and readiness.
And lots of cuddling helps. :)

Last of Vermont!

This is the church that I grew up attending (the United Church of Lincoln). It's such a cute small-town church! I go every Sunday that I'm in VT...it's a quintessential part of "being home." Sophia and I were both christened (baptized) at this church and are members! It's a long-distance relationship! Haha
I took these church pics during Alice's wedding rehearsal on Fri night. This view is from the balcony!

After the rehearsal we had dinner by the river at my parents' place! It was so fun to just hang out and relax a little before the wedding!

We can't hang out outside without a fire! Sophia with her Grandpa :)

A handful of us ended up staying around the fire until well after midnight...we had a lot of fun around that fire, as you can tell from the look on my brothers' faces!

Getting our hair done Saturday morning! That's Ruth in the chair!

Alice (the bride) and her flower girl...pretty hair!

Just about ready!

I thought this was classy :)

Alice with her mom, Francoise

Getting the veil!

Beautiful bride :)

Bridesmaids! Me, Ruth, Lindsey (we all went to Lincoln Elementary and Mt Abe high with Alice!) And the Matron of Honor in front, Alice's sis in law, Virginia!

Mrs and Mr Quesnel!

Another Mt Abe High friend Jordan (one of my bridesmaids!) was at the wedding and reception with her boyfriend, Jason

Jordan and Ruth

Alice and her new husband, Richard. So sweet!

Sophia had a swingin' good time!

So Alice married into a farm family...I'm not sure what this was about, but it was sure funny watching the best man (Alice's brother in law) dance in that Pig Trough!

Good times!

Have I mentioned that we like to party around fires?! That's how we roll in VT!

You know it's a serious bonfire when you need a tractor to move around the fuel! (They burned a truckload of apple crates!)

Ruth hangin with my dad by the fire

Brother Sky with Ruth and Travis behind them (by the bar, of course!)

That was one long, fun night!

Waiting at the Chicago airport! We got back to MN at about 6pm yesterday (Monday). So long, VT! See you next summer!

Dancing Collage

Dancing at Breakwaters on the Burlington waterfront, and dancing at Alice's wedding reception!

More VT fun!

On Wednesday we drove to Phoenicia, NY to visit the Gale side of the family! Sophia convinced her Great Grandma Gale to read her a train book!
Dad with his brother, Dennis

Sophia's good at getting her Grammy to read to her...

We went for a walk into the woods to find dad's old log cabin that he built when he was a boy!

Still standing!

Grandpa and Grandma Gale

We had an amazing picnic lunch at Aunt Melanie's!

Sophia liked her ice cream the best :)

Cousin BC lovin on his baby, a hound named Jude

Sophia and Great Grandpa Gale!

We didn't get back from NY until midnight...so we slept in a little on Thurs!

Then headed to the Bristol Bakery for breakfast!

We had to go for a swim later

Later Chris met us at the house and we headed into Burlington for a ride on the bike path around Lake champlain!

Chris riding along the lake

The lighthouse

Ready for a ride!

Some beautiful views along the path!

After our bike ride we headed to Breakwaters along the lake for dinner. It was a beautiful evening, good food, good beer, good live music...good times!

Listening to the band!

The brothers :) Sky, Chris, and Travis

Good night! :)